^{Mr. I.M. Static, the Minister of Transport}

Universe DDII71: Oct 19, 2023 — In a stroke of genius that will surely be remembered for generations, the government today has finally solved the country’s pothole epidemic. How, you ask? By the revolutionary act of redefining the term 'road.' Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the roads are now, by official decree, 'naturally imperfect pathways,' and thus, potholes are a problem no more.

The Minister of Transport, Mr. I.M. Static, announced the change at a press conference, stating, "We promised to address the pothole issue, and we have delivered. By adjusting our perspective, we have found a solution that is both cost-effective and immediate. Rejoice, citizens, for your vehicles' suspensions will now suffer no more than the government expects them to."

The reclassification has led to an outpouring of 'gratitude' from citizens. "I'm thrilled," said local driver Sal E. Chassis, with a tone as flat as her tire. "Now, every time my car lurches into a pothole, I can smile, knowing that my suspension is being sacrificed for the greater good of bureaucratic ingenuity."

In a move that surprised no one, insurance companies jumped on the bandwagon, with premiums for 'naturally imperfect pathway' coverage skyrocketing. When asked about the sudden increase, an insurance representative replied, "We must adapt to the evolving landscape of our nation’s infrastructure. And by 'adapt,' we mean 'capitalize.'"

City planners across the nation are reportedly relieved by the government's decision. "We've been trying to solve the pothole crisis for decades," said one city engineer. "But who knew all we needed to do was redefine our standards? This will save us literally billions of dollars."

The opposition has criticized the move as nothing more than a semantic sleight of hand. However, the ruling party has defended their decision, claiming that it reflects a "dynamic, forward-thinking approach to problem-solving."

The transportation department, inspired by their own ingenuity, is rumored to be considering further terminology updates. Leaked documents suggest plans to redefine 'traffic jam' as 'mandatory vehicular congregation' and 'bridge collapse' as 'spontaneous riverbank expansion.'

As the nation adapts to this new reality, citizens are left to ponder the depths of political creativity. One thing is clear: the government has paved the way for a future where no issue exists that cannot be fixed—or, at the very least, renamed.