^{Cactus Burger}

Universe TTC41X: Oct 16, 2023 — We've all been there, walking past our local grocery store, wondering how the world changed so much that the prime spot on the produce aisle now belongs to the formidable cactus. Today, I intend to take you down the prickly path of history to reminisce about how we got here. And, perhaps, to make you feel grateful that aloe vera is the only thing now that can give you a skin rash.

It all began when global temperatures took a hike – quite literally – deciding they preferred the balmy conditions of a sauna. With traditional crops taking the backseat, struggling to thrive in the sun's ever-intensifying embrace, a dark horse (or should I say, a spiky one?) began its ascent to dietary prominence. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the cactus, nature's equivalent of a surly porcupine, became our primary food source.

^{Cactus produce in a grocery store}

The first few years were, in a word, painful. A cactus salad? More like a trip to the emergency room. Cactus pie? Well, let's just say our mouths were less than appreciative. And don't even get me started on cactus wine – I still have thorns in places I'd rather not mention in polite company.

However, where there's a thorny problem, humanity has a knack for finding innovative, albeit twisted, solutions. The birth of the "Thornless Cacti Corporation" was a game-changer. These new breeds of cacti, devoid of their painful prickles, found their way into our kitchens and, eventually, our hearts. The green, fleshy texture became the staple of our diets, and the global population quickly adapted to savoring (or tolerating) its unique taste.

But, as we embraced our new botanical overlord, society too underwent changes, some of which were hilariously grim. The once thriving potato chip industry turned to cactus crisps. Soggy and oddly squelchy, they left much to be desired. Fast food joints started serving Cactus Burgers – where you were guaranteed at least three pricks to the tongue per bite. And for those with a sweet tooth? Cactus candies became the rage, ensuring dentist visits remained as frequent as ever.

On the brighter side (if you can see past the thorns), the cactus revolution brought about a greener Earth. These water-conserving plants not only became our diet but also dotted our landscapes, purifying the air and reducing the burden on our water resources. A silver lining to our prickly predicament, one might say.

In conclusion, the rise of the cactus, while initially a pointy problem, has shown the resilience of humanity. In a world where adaptability is key, we've not only survived but thrived, albeit with a few more thorns in our sides (and mouths) than before. So the next time you bite into that cactus taco and pull a tiny spine from your tongue, remember: it's just the universe's way of reminding you to appreciate the little (prickly) things in life.